27 weeks and its going good.

Well its going like a pregnancy and that means I cant eat without feeling very full and also I have back ache! I cant get rid of this kind of pain on either of my bump! So YEP Im moaning and I said I NEVER would but Im in pain and I know its worth it!!!!

Had a really good appointment with my consultant, he made more sense this time! Taking out the stich at 34 weeks is probably a good idea, I dont want to risk a c-section and I am going to keep having the injections untill im 36 weeks so maybe I cant get myself there!

This has to be short as I need to make a banana cake for Daddy Donor, his wife, his mother and her husband! And to type is really hurting but Im good very good!

Snowed in and feeling much calmer!

Well I passed my Gestational Diabeties test so thats good. Im really happy and just have to accept that my baby is big! And this has an upside if I am early her chances are increased. I have to think positively, Im sure this has helped me throught the early days and the moments when i have been panicing.

I think its important to remind myself how hard early pregnancy is. The fear is enormous, the risks of loosing the baby in the first 12 weeks then the risks for me upto 24 weeks. We will have a daughter for life and this pregnancy, this amazing thing that is happening to me so we can complete our family. This is our dream and its coming true. We have to believe in it and we have, through the very very dark days after we lost Archie.

DP and I had such difficult times, and Im sure DS suffered. Life was so black and I remember just not talking for hours, days. All my mind could think about was my lost baby and if there was any hope I would get pregnant again. And here I am, this is what it has all been about. Not only we will be the perfect 2.4 children family but we are happy too! Just so happy. I love my partner more than I can describe. She has been there through the most toughest of times and never faultered.

I am so lucky that someone can love me that much and hang in there with me.

I am snowed in today, I have had a long lie in but Im missing my little boy now! And I want to be curled up on the sofa reading to him....endlessly! Or playing with his train set. But he is with his Granny so Im going to enjoy some time to get some jobs done, Grace is kicking me and its lovely to feel Im not alone!

We picked up her pram yesterday, we very rarely buy the nicest thing we can and this is a lovley pram, we even got a pink pram blanket! We then went to have tea then we went to the cinema, so rare for us to have such time together and it was so special!

Well thats me for today. I am happy, reminding myself of how much I have not what I dont. Thats so important!

The picture at the top is DS on a swing with a friend!

Gestational Diabeties and already missing my pregnancy

I normally skip out of my appointments with my consultant and this time it just didnt happen. I guess I was just having too good a time!

First off Baby Grace is measureing far too big, and secondly my consultnat wants to take out my stich at 34 weeks!!!! How early is that.

I just couldnt pick myself up out of feeling so down. I love being pregnant so much and to have someone cut it short feels unfair! I know that I might make it a bit further than that but and Im stamping my feet here.....! I want a fluffy warm labour at 37weeks! I dont get it!
I didnt have time to question it, he was running an impressive 2 hours late in his clinic.

And the to top it off, maybe it has something to do with the fact Grace is measuring off the scale! I have to go back next week to have my blood glucose checked and then see what happens!!!

I also want some really nice photos to remind me of my pregnancy but DP seems to just shrug it off, i have this feeling like I sound like a child saying I want I want, but its my only chance to do this and I want some lovely memories of this specail time!
Right I think Im annoying myself now!

Moan over, we have a lovely weekend ahead of us and thats whats importnat right now!

I made it to 24 weeks!!!!!!!

Yes I did it! I made it past the point that I lost Archie. I am happy and Im sad. I still think about how I could have saved him, but how that wasnt really possible and how guilty I feel when I feel excited about my new baby.

I dont have much time as I have to pick up the little man so this is it. Just a celebration of how far I have come and how excited I am about going much further.

Something I just cant talk about right now

Well Ive had a horrid week with one of my brothers and I dont have the time nor can I process it enough right now. I have spent too much time worrying about it this week and hate him (strong I know) for all of this to happen right now. Next week im 23 weeks and thats the week I lost Archie. I need to be happy but I think I deserve to be happy and his selfishness and lack of understanding for other humans leaves me feeling let down and upset.

Bottom line he has been homophobic. I cant stand it, just cant believe he doesnt get it!

Thats all I can say right now.

As for everything else, Grace seems to be happy and is kicking her Mummy Jen, it even took my breath away this morning! And Taylor is as happy as happy can be! I have started my christmas shopping and I am more in love with my wife than ever.

I think I am lucky to be tucked far away from my brother in the north. I shall let him fester in London!

I have tried to add more blogs to my list but it wont let me add some!!! So will keep trying!

Once I can I will write all about my brother but for now, thats all I can say!

Things are not so bad after all!

Well, yes it was a bad day on Sunday and Im sure that what I was feeling was my bump getting tight but the appointment on Monday went really well.

I still love love my consultant, I hate the internal scans but somehow he makes me feel at ease and I have to remember that nothing they do to me is as painful or as horrid as loosing Archie.
Especially the weekly progesterone injections!!!!

So my cervix has not changed and nor is it likely to change in the next two weeks before I go back. And fingers crossed it isn't going to change before I get to 24 weeks! So confident am I that I have gone out and bought another pair of H&M maternity jeans!

So on a less pregnancy related subject...we have booked our family holiday and we had to book the baby on the flight so Grace it is! I love it, but think that we will probably end up calling her Gracie as a sort of shorter version!
DP also felt the baby last night, she was kicking me on my left side and it was such a special moment for us both. A reminder that our daughter is there and on her way!

So that's pretty all there is for today. I guess there is some other family stuff going on but I need to get my head around that a bit before I post it.

Not such a good day.

It had to happen, ive had a rubbish day. I think I have been having some tightenings in my belly and this means that things are not going well. It could be many things. It could be in my head, or I need to realise I am having a high risk pregnancy and I need to slow down. Luckly I went with a very good freind to a childrens musem and she took Mr T round which is great and she is so good with him. But he then ends up thinking Im rubbish and wont even come to me. I guess its hard not really knowing what is going on. It just makes me sad that i am not going to have the lovley fluffy pregnancy and I will have to make it up to him when baby arrives! Which she will I have to belive it.