I made it to 24 weeks!!!!!!!

Yes I did it! I made it past the point that I lost Archie. I am happy and Im sad. I still think about how I could have saved him, but how that wasnt really possible and how guilty I feel when I feel excited about my new baby.

I dont have much time as I have to pick up the little man so this is it. Just a celebration of how far I have come and how excited I am about going much further.

Something I just cant talk about right now

Well Ive had a horrid week with one of my brothers and I dont have the time nor can I process it enough right now. I have spent too much time worrying about it this week and hate him (strong I know) for all of this to happen right now. Next week im 23 weeks and thats the week I lost Archie. I need to be happy but I think I deserve to be happy and his selfishness and lack of understanding for other humans leaves me feeling let down and upset.

Bottom line he has been homophobic. I cant stand it, just cant believe he doesnt get it!

Thats all I can say right now.

As for everything else, Grace seems to be happy and is kicking her Mummy Jen, it even took my breath away this morning! And Taylor is as happy as happy can be! I have started my christmas shopping and I am more in love with my wife than ever.

I think I am lucky to be tucked far away from my brother in the north. I shall let him fester in London!

I have tried to add more blogs to my list but it wont let me add some!!! So will keep trying!

Once I can I will write all about my brother but for now, thats all I can say!

Things are not so bad after all!

Well, yes it was a bad day on Sunday and Im sure that what I was feeling was my bump getting tight but the appointment on Monday went really well.

I still love love my consultant, I hate the internal scans but somehow he makes me feel at ease and I have to remember that nothing they do to me is as painful or as horrid as loosing Archie.
Especially the weekly progesterone injections!!!!

So my cervix has not changed and nor is it likely to change in the next two weeks before I go back. And fingers crossed it isn't going to change before I get to 24 weeks! So confident am I that I have gone out and bought another pair of H&M maternity jeans!

So on a less pregnancy related subject...we have booked our family holiday and we had to book the baby on the flight so Grace it is! I love it, but think that we will probably end up calling her Gracie as a sort of shorter version!
DP also felt the baby last night, she was kicking me on my left side and it was such a special moment for us both. A reminder that our daughter is there and on her way!

So that's pretty all there is for today. I guess there is some other family stuff going on but I need to get my head around that a bit before I post it.

Not such a good day.

It had to happen, ive had a rubbish day. I think I have been having some tightenings in my belly and this means that things are not going well. It could be many things. It could be in my head, or I need to realise I am having a high risk pregnancy and I need to slow down. Luckly I went with a very good freind to a childrens musem and she took Mr T round which is great and she is so good with him. But he then ends up thinking Im rubbish and wont even come to me. I guess its hard not really knowing what is going on. It just makes me sad that i am not going to have the lovley fluffy pregnancy and I will have to make it up to him when baby arrives! Which she will I have to belive it.

I am a lazy blogger! But Im also 20 weeks pregnant!

Well, I still cant write Archie birth story, maybe I should leave it and just have it in my head?

Im now 20 weeks and 4 days exactly!!! I am so pleased to be this far and I want to remember how amazing it is to be this far on and that I am so lucky that I am just kind of being like any other pregnant woman. Im not on bed rest and apart from lots and lots of appointments with the amazing Mr Simpson Im just great.

I do get anxious, really bad. Like today, I just had this thought, what if, my waters go in the next 3 weeks? I mean it probably wont happen, the injections are working and I am not having contractions and I am also feeling so good. BUT BUT BUT, i have to remember my cervix has strated to open and there is only a stich holding my baby inside me.

Oh and did I say Im having a girl!!!! Now thats a whole other post on wether or not I am going to have a better relationship with her than I did with my Mum. They do say pregnancy is like going through 3 years of therapy!!!

Well, DP is at work and I have to go and do the dishwasher and then I am going to sit down with some mint match makers and giant parma violets, you just have to love the pregnancy cravings!!!!!!

Im back, and its all a bit rosier around here!

Well, Im here and I think one of the reasons that I haven't been able to blog is that I know I have to write Archies birth story. I did have to give birth knowing that my son who I could still feel kick me was going to die when i did and to relive all that is going to take alot. I need to do it before little peeps arrives...just not yet!

So here I am 9 weeks and 4 days. I feel tired, slight nauesa and headaches now and again, Ive had to speak to E about the curcial time when I am going to need lots of help and I know that I will need to pay someone to help with DS and you know what I will pay whatever it takes. I cant loose another child. It will break me and probably our family.

But I do LOVE being pregnant! Love love love it!
Although I cant really write much now, i am gald to be back and I want to remember everything!
So just to remind me and for you all. I took DS to a planeterium today for story time under the stars. It was magical. I will never forget DS lying on me as we watched the stars, listend to the story and then we all sang his favourite song twinklw twinklw, just amazing. I love my son, he really is the light of our lives. i cant wait for our next baby to make our lives even brighter. And he/she will I KNOW it!

Im back, and its all a bit rosier around here!