Dont really want to blog

I dont really want to blog which I know means that I either cant be bothered or there is something I dont want to face.

I think its a bit of both!

Ive been in real pain for a few days and it seems like constipation. The only time it feels better is when Archie kicks which is lovely! GO Archie kick away!!!!

The other is that I am just so scared of what is going to happen. I want to know if things go wrong then Donor Daddy will donate again. Which Im pretty sure he will but its bothering me.

Ive asked DP to ask them and she agreed with me which I am glad about.

We have a busy few days and I still have over half of my final essay to write. Im a little worried!

Well enough from me and my little kicking man!!!! I love you Archie!

Sort of Babymoon and very sad news

DP's Grandma died this week and the dark times just get darker.

Well DP and I are off to Bristol tomorrow for a friends wedding. She is an old school freind and there will be people I have not seen for 13 / 14 years! Ive already had some dreams about it! I just hope its not a nightmare!

We had an appointment with the consultant on Monday and there are good things and bad things. Basicly.....the liver is still under the diaphram which is VERY good! But this can change and then they found that there is too much fluid in my belly. This is NOT good. But can be drained if it has to be.......

So I have had the most positive week since we found out! I think we must be doing SOMETHING right. All the positivity all the prayers ( on my part i dont think DP has been preyaing!)

We will see....I just hope hope hope hope Archie stays how he is and we dont have to worry about him so much.

I am at high risk of pre term labour. Espcially with my funny uterus as I call it!

I can feel him right nowits wonderefull, I love being pregnant and I love my little boy inside me.

I just KNOW this has to be OK. He has to be OK.

I love him so much I cant loose him.

Reasons Please

Please please someone tell me why oh why my little boy had to be so ill.

We were told that our little boy Archie has a Diaphramtic Hernia. This means that he has a hole in his diaphram.

We have learned alot about it and we have been given odds of only 40% that he will survive. I cant imagine not continuing with this pregnancy. I felt him before and I saw him swiming around on the scan and there he was my little boy. Our little boy. Taylors brother.

I lurch from day to day being ok, then it will hit me and I think what if I loose my child. How will I cope with this.

I think I am being punished. And that hurts becasue I then Archie is being punished for something I have done.

I pray he will be ok and I pray he will be brave. Thats what his name means. Very Brave. he has has to be jsut has to be.

This is one of the darkest times for us. DP's gran is dying in hospital and the sense of lose is so great. I dont think we would be able to get through the days if it werent for our son. He brings joy to us everyday and we need his laughter to brighten up our day and to remind us that life has to go on.

When I feel him move inside me I feel so happy and then the next minute I can find myself crying. I cry every morning. Its the sense that here we are another day closer to his birth and part of me just wants to hold him right there. He is safe within me, the minute he comes into the world it becomes all to dangerous for him.

I cant write anymore, Im at work and I cant cry at work.