Reasons Please

Please please someone tell me why oh why my little boy had to be so ill.

We were told that our little boy Archie has a Diaphramtic Hernia. This means that he has a hole in his diaphram.

We have learned alot about it and we have been given odds of only 40% that he will survive. I cant imagine not continuing with this pregnancy. I felt him before and I saw him swiming around on the scan and there he was my little boy. Our little boy. Taylors brother.

I lurch from day to day being ok, then it will hit me and I think what if I loose my child. How will I cope with this.

I think I am being punished. And that hurts becasue I then Archie is being punished for something I have done.

I pray he will be ok and I pray he will be brave. Thats what his name means. Very Brave. he has has to be jsut has to be.

This is one of the darkest times for us. DP's gran is dying in hospital and the sense of lose is so great. I dont think we would be able to get through the days if it werent for our son. He brings joy to us everyday and we need his laughter to brighten up our day and to remind us that life has to go on.

When I feel him move inside me I feel so happy and then the next minute I can find myself crying. I cry every morning. Its the sense that here we are another day closer to his birth and part of me just wants to hold him right there. He is safe within me, the minute he comes into the world it becomes all to dangerous for him.

I cant write anymore, Im at work and I cant cry at work.